Outtakes

So today I did many things well known to me, and tried something new. I also got other people to try new things.

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing."

Your brain stills and stagnates when you stick to the tried and true, to the familiar. The unknown holds risks. Risks that at one point in time would overwhelm me. Interacting with another person that I already did not have a founation- did not already have a good relationship with- would terrorify me. Sometimes it stills does. This is called a comfort zone. Some will recgonize what I am talking about. To others this will be a new concept. Over the years I have pushed this. Times when I am tired and stressed I will fall back on old patterns, as humans will. No contact with anyone is safe. It has been proven safe many times over. If you don't reach out then nobody can hurt you.

Part of pushing those boundries has been allowing people to be let in. This was a long and drawn out process in my humble opinion. Trying new things, learning to think in new ways, that do not feel offensive to me, and trusting those who introduce those new ideas to not attack who I am based on what I believe have been steps. Steps in growth.

I guess that's really what this rant is about. Growing. Figuring out things you want from life, heck even identifying with virtues, and then living life in pursuit of those. Always progressing. This doesn't necessarily mean trying something new every few months and then abandoning it to the wayside. It means every couple months stepping back and taking a look at what you're doing, where you want to go, if it's changed, and coming back with a fresh look.

This means read a challenging book. Whatever this means to you, there are many different kinds of challenges out there. Try to do what you can with who you are.

Never wish you were more than you are.

Work towards the ideal you. There's a psychology theory that the further you are from the ideal you the more out of balance you are with yourself. How can you be in tune and happy with yourself when you look at a reflection that is so different from yourself?

"When a man is put in the ground, it is not then that he has died, he is dead when he no longer hopes, no longer dreams."

This means putting goals in front of yourself. Of not doing the same thing just because that's what you did yesterday.

Of not being statisfied with life. Of looking for more without becoming upset that things aren't progressing fast enough, without wishing you *were* someone else entirely.

Tonight for the first time I tried to do a martial art. It was the most fun I've had in a long time.

What does that say about what I've been doing with life? When did I let what I want to do to improve myself and who I am turn into drugery? How can I turn it back?

I didn't mean to. I want what I'm doing now. I want to be better at what I am doing now. I am working toward being better at what I am doing than I am.

I am satisfied with trying.

There are times when I berate myself for not trying harder. I don't want my life to turn into activities to checked off on a list.

Must take care of dog.

Must go to work.

Must work on German.

Must play flute.

Must hang out with friends.

I don't want these things to become check lists. I want to bring back the life, a fresh breathe, a renovated way of thinking. Not a new one, as nothing was wrong with the old one, it simply faded as outside influences came and weathered the once solid thoughts and ideals. Head back to the beginning. The foundation. What makes you you. Why do you choose to do what you do? What side reason have crept in that make it seem like a duty that simply must be done or an axe will be brought down?

How do you make life fun again? How do you remember to laugh and smile simply for the sake of laughing and smiling?

Brakes. I think I've let myself speed up too much. Stopping. Take your time to think. Breathe. Just stand there and breathe. Watch the busy and search for the still.

Take time to breathe.