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So a friend of mine has a cool way of updating her blog. She puts it in sections for ease of reading. We're going to try that today.

Dog
Recently Milly and I were in my backyard messing around, and lo and behold, someone had decided to use our backyard as a trash can. Again. Milly had found a rib bone. This could be bad, cause she hates it when I try to get things out of her mouth. However, I had started counteracting that by training her that whatever good eating thing I took away from her I would give her something even better back. So I auto ask for the bone, and she gave it to me! Didn't run, didn't do the chase me game, off-leash from three feet away (I would never have caught her if she had choosen to run) she came to me and gave me the bone. *Stunned silence*

We are also working on a new trick, while brushing up on our old ones. And if you walk past my backyard you'll notice the agility stuff is back out. After 8 months to get over the dog running out of the ring I'm back into it. Milly is too, she loves it! Ah... if only we had more room and equipement... stupid stuff costs waaaaaaaaaay too much.

On a different note. I met the dogs today that a lady wants me to dog sit for two months while she finalizes stuff for her trail in Australia. There's Mr. Stubborn-pushy, who's never had follow through on the leash ever, Mrs. Demanding-intellegent-will work for you, and Mrs. Pushy. The Mr. is over two hundred pounds... Gah! Why were you so stupid when he was a pup?!? Mrs. Pushy is twice her approperiate weight. Seriously, with your neck injury, you can't even care for them properly. I know you love them, but love doesn't do all that needs to be done. *SIGHS*

Cleaning

I have started packing up my things now. It's kinda sad. But it'll be exciting. An adventure.

Flute

I was supposed to have my first lesson last Thrusday. Was. The stupid lady "didn't check the store email because she wasn't at the store". However it's the only listed email to contact them. Twit. So they gave my time to someone else. We reschedualed for tomorrow. Right, I should practice...

German

Has come to a standstill. I do not know how to conjugate verbs from singular to plural, and why are we throwing in different kinds of conjugation and not explaining how to tell the difference?
I am frustrated. You think they'd give you everything you needed to figure it out, but noooooooooooooooooooooo.

Books

Still reading Oscar Wilde, it would help if I didn't keep forgetting about him. Then maybe I'd get through him faster...

Almost done Unfinished tales. It's worth reading, though if you buy it, you don't need to get The Children of Hurin (it has the funny hat thing in there, but I can't type that). In other news, I found The History of Middle Earth in the book depository. In three volumes. I do have most of it, just not the last three volumes. I want the copy... but I'd still keep mine for ease of reading. *NEED MONIES*

Driving

I have decided that I want a truck. Not a big truck, but a truck like Laura used to have, Angus, with a canopy. I also need to go get my N. If you see such a truck give me a shout. However, I am also looking for a row of seats behind the drivers, like Micheal Cronks old truck. This is mandatory. I do not want a big truck like Addy's mom.

Byri go study for your L.

Work

I have gotten a raise! Nearly a year overdue! Retro check due this week. Haha. Taxes better not kill it, it's going to be my truck buying fund.

Also, I might be getting a promotion. This means another raise! Yays!

Projects

I am almost done the thing that will be The Wedding Gift. Have started Arm Warmers. Has three inchs done. Yay!

Hey Byri, it looks like it's 186 for 8 half an hour lessons for two people. And go phone Alexis about a horse.

Heh. Oh! Story update, it's kinda getting worked on. Will be instead of German, cause I actually can't go forward in that right now. I don't know how.

Laura, phone me when you are free. We need to hang out.

See you around!

If I were an otter would beavers like me?

This is one of the songs from camp. Yes I know, I've heard it outside of camp too... but really? In my mind it will always be from camp.

He is jealous for me,
(this means he's willing to fight for me- to pursue)

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath his wind and mercy.
(hurricanes are violent forces of destruction, love like a hurricane though, he loves us with a violent force that cannot be stopped by anything; trees have no defence agaisnt hurricanes, all that they can do is try to stand and endure)

When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
(so all of the junk that's weighting you down drops, you feel light and free- it's an amazing feeling, nothing really matters about the weight, it's dead stuff, you don't need it and aren't concetrating on it)

And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
(so think, if you know something *might* hurt you are leery of it, if you know it will hurt- you avoid, if you know something will hurt alot- you avoid and pretend that it doesn't exist; if you needed to protect a friend though, maybe you'd jump in front and take the hurt, but he jump in front and took all the hurt while we spat and laughed and mocked)

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us all,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
(the first part I think is a reference to inheritance, the second, well, you know how people enter contests to meet singers and such, he's such a amazing person that he is worth being the person to meet at the end of a contest)

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
(it's not going to hurt, no I told you so, you'd come back begging to be let in, none of it's there, do you know what grace means?)

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
(grace is getting something good that we don't deserve, instead of getting bad things to match our bad behavior, it's getting something good- we're all drowning in good things, sent by someone who should be cursing us back)

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
(best line in a Christian song ever, if something is sloppy, it's rushed, wet kisses are still held as intimate in todays world, heaven is rushing to be intimate with earth, friends are intimate, someone who knows you're thoughts, knows what you might do next, knows how you'll take certain comments, your moods, what you like and don't like; heaven rushes for this)

And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain this regrets,
(you notice how earth still is hesitating? looking at the baggage dropped and going, but I carried that, I can't... but heaven's rushing so fast that the I can'ts don't even have time to form, that's how fast it comes)

When I think about, the way…

So I was at church last Sunday. I was looking at the songs that we were singing, and analyzing them as we went along. I found two out of five songs that I didn't cringe at, or only cringed a little. How sad is that? People now look at things, go through the motion of moving their lips, but don't think. I do to. In a theological context some of it didn't even make sense. I couldn't sing the lines, because what was on the screen was out of the box of what is Christianity. Mind you, God doesn't like boxes, tends to burn them when he's put in them, but of the things I know, they didn't make sense. And nobody else seemed to have a problem with this.

Why?

One of the reasons I miss camp already is that the songs we sang there, I could analyze (it's were I remembered my brain can do things like that) the songs, and still agree with them.

Especially when the song makes a reference to sloppy wet kisses.

Word of the Day

Tarantism: An uncontrollable urge to dance.

Why doesn't your foot rotate out to the side more? I mean it'll move so it's perpendicular to the ground on the inside, but not on the outside. Does anyone else feel this is weird? Why does the human body work this way?

I had a very good week. You should meet me in person and ask about it.

I'll miss those that I continuously confused for a different person...

Of the Hobbit continuing to prove It's worth

Yesterday was Friday the 13th for those that don't know, or didn't bother to remember or to figure it out. I worked yesterday. 9:30 to 6.

Many good things did happen yesterday. I read nearly 100 more pages of my current book. I had fun. I went back to my martial art and don't feel sore at all today. (For how hard we worked it's a very good thing.) I managed to walk my dog.

Bad things also happened. The day before a co-worker hurt himself badly enough he'll mess up his life pretty bad if he's working for the next little while. That meant we were short staffed. Another co-worker called in sick, a mere two hours before his shift. That left us scrambling to find someone to take his place. Friday nights are one the busiest days of the week for us. It's near impossible to only have one person close and still have the store look good. So, yes I did have some fun while at work, but I was also working under stress. The supervisior that I had yesterday can't supervise.

At all.

I saw things that he didn't bother to address and did my best to address them. Though it's hard to do when you ask someone else to do it, and they don't and you don't really have time to breathe, let alone think more, and they don't do it. Gah. Newbies. Listen to me as I try to train you.

I also managed to injure myself, not once, but twice yesterday. Once at work, one not. I slice the fleshy part of my right pointer finger before the first knuckle deeply. Worst cut I've given myself there ever. Worst injury for those curious was a burn over two years ago.

Ya.

Thats how long I've been working there. Common, everyone *sigh* with me.

Second injury. Not as big or as bad at surface level. I was kneeling down trying to manipulate my dog on concrete, and she was protesting. Enough that she dragged me a bit. So I took off some skin on my knee, big whoop. But there where bigger rocks too! So it's a little deeper than I'd like in some places. Still not the end of the world. Till I wake up this morning, and the wound is filled with dog hair. How exactly did I forget about that? Getting it all out was fun, and here's to hoping that I don't get an infection.

Cheers!

Outtakes

So today I did many things well known to me, and tried something new. I also got other people to try new things.

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing."

Your brain stills and stagnates when you stick to the tried and true, to the familiar. The unknown holds risks. Risks that at one point in time would overwhelm me. Interacting with another person that I already did not have a founation- did not already have a good relationship with- would terrorify me. Sometimes it stills does. This is called a comfort zone. Some will recgonize what I am talking about. To others this will be a new concept. Over the years I have pushed this. Times when I am tired and stressed I will fall back on old patterns, as humans will. No contact with anyone is safe. It has been proven safe many times over. If you don't reach out then nobody can hurt you.

Part of pushing those boundries has been allowing people to be let in. This was a long and drawn out process in my humble opinion. Trying new things, learning to think in new ways, that do not feel offensive to me, and trusting those who introduce those new ideas to not attack who I am based on what I believe have been steps. Steps in growth.

I guess that's really what this rant is about. Growing. Figuring out things you want from life, heck even identifying with virtues, and then living life in pursuit of those. Always progressing. This doesn't necessarily mean trying something new every few months and then abandoning it to the wayside. It means every couple months stepping back and taking a look at what you're doing, where you want to go, if it's changed, and coming back with a fresh look.

This means read a challenging book. Whatever this means to you, there are many different kinds of challenges out there. Try to do what you can with who you are.

Never wish you were more than you are.

Work towards the ideal you. There's a psychology theory that the further you are from the ideal you the more out of balance you are with yourself. How can you be in tune and happy with yourself when you look at a reflection that is so different from yourself?

"When a man is put in the ground, it is not then that he has died, he is dead when he no longer hopes, no longer dreams."

This means putting goals in front of yourself. Of not doing the same thing just because that's what you did yesterday.

Of not being statisfied with life. Of looking for more without becoming upset that things aren't progressing fast enough, without wishing you *were* someone else entirely.

Tonight for the first time I tried to do a martial art. It was the most fun I've had in a long time.

What does that say about what I've been doing with life? When did I let what I want to do to improve myself and who I am turn into drugery? How can I turn it back?

I didn't mean to. I want what I'm doing now. I want to be better at what I am doing now. I am working toward being better at what I am doing than I am.

I am satisfied with trying.

There are times when I berate myself for not trying harder. I don't want my life to turn into activities to checked off on a list.

Must take care of dog.

Must go to work.

Must work on German.

Must play flute.

Must hang out with friends.

I don't want these things to become check lists. I want to bring back the life, a fresh breathe, a renovated way of thinking. Not a new one, as nothing was wrong with the old one, it simply faded as outside influences came and weathered the once solid thoughts and ideals. Head back to the beginning. The foundation. What makes you you. Why do you choose to do what you do? What side reason have crept in that make it seem like a duty that simply must be done or an axe will be brought down?

How do you make life fun again? How do you remember to laugh and smile simply for the sake of laughing and smiling?

Brakes. I think I've let myself speed up too much. Stopping. Take your time to think. Breathe. Just stand there and breathe. Watch the busy and search for the still.

Take time to breathe.

A Laying Down of Flowers

A nearly unheard whisper of skin. Clothe meets and flutters in the passing wind dancing along with movement.

Gray smooth corridors had risen to meet the whispers. Dim, yellow, sputtering lights had attempted to follow the dance of the clothe. Smooth walls reflect and refract the distorted image, once passed the dirty, dark, gray walls stand silent again.

Bleach attempted to mask too many horrible smells all coming from different sources. A windowless, doorless corridor is greeted with the whispering feet.

The clothe ceases its fluttering. The whispers stop. A soft thump, followed by a reluctant creak and then-

A head thrown back in greeting.

Light, pure white light.

------------------------------

I was just thinking one day, and something very, very similar to this came into my head. And when I tried to capture it, it morphed into this. Not exactly what I was going for.

I'll tell you what is happening from my persective if you wish. But I'm not posting it right now cause I want you to think. I thought this up while zoning at work.

I really want Feedback. Did you like? Not like? Confused? Trying to figure it out? (I don't think it's that hard, but omipresent perspective gets you nowhere here)