Of Comrades laying down Arms

Hello.

It's been a while.

Things have happened. Many of which I intended to post here.

As you can see, that only remained an intent.

Let's think.

What is going on in Pony's life at the moment?

She is still looking for another job. The requirements? Preferably one with dogs. Has to pay at least 10/hour. Can not include heavy lifting. Preferably does not include me getting soaked at the end of the day. Or really strange hours.

The heavy lifting at work right now has been getting to me. I buggered my shoulder on Tuesday due to a box. Had made the muscles so tight on the other one, that the Chiropractor says they're almost gluing themselves together. It's hard to become comfortable like that. It's partly an Ab issue though. My Abs are really weak. They've been getting better (thank you Aikido), but still have quite the way to go before I have full use of them to stablize myself. And a box.

This leads to Aikido! For those of you who don't know, I no longer go to the gym. Why? It was good, but too physically demanding, especially with a job like mine. Also, I needed to change other things (like eating habits...) to be able to continue going and some of them are out of my control (like getting a different job...). The time it took me to recover eventually got longer and longer and longer, to the point where I'd make it, maybe once a week if I was lucky. Twice if I was pushing it. With Aikido, you still get the workout, and the slowing building of muscle (without the crash so far!), but also, you get taught to move.

The Sensei sometimes jokes that other martial arts called Aikido a fake martial art, because it's so fluid. When done right, it's like dancing. I like dancing. It gets even better, in most of the moves, there's what you'll understand to be a lead and a follow. They're jobs are to co-operate, so that A) no one gets hurt, and B) so it looks good. Just like some dance moves. As a bonus, you're also learning about to dodge and disable attackers. While looking good. (As an extra bonus, the people there are amazing!)

There is no nice, slightly jaring transition from that last paragraph to this one. I guess I'll have to introduce it, itself. I have a dog. I had a very sick dog. So we'll go look at Sunday. In the morning Milly goes out, comes back and throws up. Not the even of the world, she probably just moved the baby gate (She took a week, to figure that out, as she pitied me, otherwise I'm sure it've been faster) and ate something that she wasn't supposed to. It happens on occasion. Mostly comes out as diarrhea. Annoying. So later I have a nap, and consequently I am up fairly late (for me). 11:30 strikes. Milly throws up again. And again. And again. And this goes on for the next two hours. Seven times. If someone you knew did that what would you be doing? I give *one* piece of kibble, she throws that up ten minutes later, with the rest of what was conveniently available in the top of her stomach. If it were a person, you would've gone to the hospital. There is a 24 hour Vet. It's in Victoria. By Mayfair. It costs an arm and a leg. And if you actually need medication for your dog right away? A kidney too please. So for the next couple of days, I get very scared. She was fine the rest of Monday (I didn't dare feed her much at all), threw up Tuesday again (curse work!), but has been fine ever since. She back on her feed, as enthusiastically as ever, and has been bugging me again. She's an attention suck. So I think maybe we're going to be ok now. Maybe. If I am very careful. The really scary thing? I've got no inclination of what *might* have set this off. The diarrhea? Oh, looks, that's gone out of the garbage... But this time?

I feel sorry. It seems as if every time I write it's to rant. I do have these rants in my head you know. Most of the time I forget about them. Cause it's already been ranted. Why stir up the dead's earth? I don't know where I was going with this.

There is a really cool guy in Sidney. He owns a store. He is Mexican? Spanish? He speaks with a slight accent, and is Hispanic anyway. If you can tell me who he is, I'll give you a cookie when I make them for work. Whoops! Gotta go look up that recipe.

This post has been cut short due to unforeseen circumstances that take the writer away from the post. We are sorry for the inconvenience.

(Recipe and Dinnertime!)

This is a Tangent

Hello.

This is a breathing break.

Because I need to breathe.

Really everyone does to survive.

This break is just to appreciate the ability to breathe.

That feels so much better.

So, today at work I managed to get potato dust up my nose. Multiple times. Annoying yes. Not the worse thing to happen though. We have people who come in to do shopping for other people, who use the internet to order things from us. Tuesday is one of the days these order get filled at my store. The people who fill the order are called the Sendile ladies. They are volunteers. They are the same people who come in every single week. Plus their own shopping. Now really, do you think I am most patient with these people? You don't know where *this*-(rather obvious part of produce) is? And they wonder why we snap at them... Especially getting asked five questions in a row, just as it's starting to get busy. I *do* have a job. Unlike you. Didn't happen today, but has happened sooooooo many times it's hard not to get frustrated with them right off the bat. There's two really competent ladies though. Who actually have brains. And think. I like them, they're welcome to come anytime.

End rant.

Breathe.

I thought I might be getting sick again, so I cracked out the Vitamin C. And *poof* all cold symptoms gone, except for the itchness in my nose. Which I still blame on potato dust. Nobody had gone through them in a while= lots a bad ones, and alot of settled dust to disturb.

Breathe.

Now on to what this post is acutally about! Wouldn't you like to know?

Milly is very pretty. I adore my dog. -Note to self, need to get more bones-. -And brush the dog sometime this week-. I was thinking, even with all her problems, we really click. And I'm gonna miss her. And...

That's not what this post is about.

Breathe.

I am going in for my N on Friday at 2:45pm. I phoned yesterday. They scared the coherent thoughts out of me by asking if I wanted to go in tomorrow. (...Huh?...What! So soooon! Not READY!....ohsh...) So best of luck to me, eh?

Also not what this post is about.

I'm done quite a few things since actually posting a proper post last. That might be why I haven't posted a proper post... to much to talk about. I need to get my sister a birthday present, and Christmas presents. Huh. Right. Forgot about that. Finished some books it took me *months* to get through, a knitting project... Wish there was good news about German, but alas... However most of Chp3 of said story a couple of posts ago is almost done. The chapter that just got posted? Months to write and fine tune. Chp 3? -Five hours- It took *Five Hours* to get through three quaters of this chapter. It's *not* Fair!

Breathe.

Have you guessed yet? Also not what it's about.

Mother was ill. She went to hospitial, and could hardly get out of bed for a week. It was scary. I was there when she go really sick. Hospitials are really boring. I might've hurt something if I didn't have my book. She's mostly (hopefully) better now. Though some stuff was bothering her before too.

Melodrama.

Breathe.

The whole topic of my post?

*DRUM ROLL*

I am now a certified Produce Supervisor. Which sounds alot better than, say, Produce Clerk. It comes with an auto pay-raise. Yay me! Anyways cheerful thoughts and best wishes, and other such things. No funnies for you. My feet hurt. Too much standing. Back on topic. I wasn't on interwebs much besides writting this out for you.

Because judging from the overwhelming comments, you must miss me.

Funnies for the day

"(debating who's cookie it is, it's the *last* cookie) ...this tasty morsel is mine." He emphasized his remark by sticking out his tongue and slowly licking the back of the cookie.

**** watched the cookie-licking in shock. "I can't believe you did that! My baby brother used to do that! How old are you? Three?"

***** positively reveled in ****'s horror. "It's the way that goblins mark their territory. Though, it tends to get hazardous when the object that they are marking is particularly sharp or on fire."

On costume choices:

"Is that child dressed as a pineapple?"

"Why yes, I believe he is..."

Capala Shurin: Chapter Two

This is the final copy of this chapter, it stills needs little things done, like formalizing the now and then grammar that's mixed up through it. It's supposed to be now. But somehow changed itself. The story plotline, and otherwise how it's told, minus grammar issues, is how it's going to stay.

Desolation. One figure left. Tremors wrack the body. Movement.

Foot.

Foot.

Foot.

A wry smile. Exit stage left. The body retrieves the discarded pack. Hidden outside of the battle. Away from the desolation. A mile. Body collapses.

~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~ . ~

The weather slowly becomes cooler now as the sun ends it’s marathon days. Only half the trees in the area have begun to change colors. Those gifted enough to be in the woods could gaze at the awe-inspiring, picturesque woods. The woods held an appeal that could not be captured in any painting. Perhaps it was the way that the wind moved the branches so that the leaves could boast loudly of their changing colors as the sun reflected off the leaves brightly.

The little girl could stand for hours and stare at the leaves of the trees as they changed their colors in honor of the Fall. She had grown with the speed that all toddlers do. She was now tall enough that her head came above the women’s knee. The frown that the girl had used to continuously wear had, at first faded, then vanished. The women too began to frown less as she became accustomed to the sounds of the forest. When they had first arrived the women had jumped at any loud sound. Now the women only startled at sounds that did not appear to belong in the forest. When startled, if in the clearing, the women would grab the child and hide in the bush.

As Autumn began to gain a hold on nature the animals once again began to prepare for winter. The frolicking that had been done in spring now led to heavily pregnant females and over protective males. Animals that hibernated were nearly done collecting food for Winter; the noises in the forest were beginning to change. The women became more and more suspicious as the forest became quieter. Again she would jump at any unusual, or loud sounds.

While the women primarily took note of the animals, the girl continued her study of the trees; fascinated. The trees that had captured her attention most were the ones that at the height of summer had purple leaves. As the trees prepared to shed their leaves or the long sleep of winter, the leaves would change color. The trees with the purple leaves would create the most amazing combination of colors. Purple would turn to black, edged with brilliant red. Oranges and yellows in various shades and combinations with the other colors would make an appearance, creating miniature, temporary portraits of the spirit of the Autumn.

Under the tees whose leaves did turn, and those that kept their leaves was movement. The movement was different from the animals who lived in the area. The sounds that accompanied the movement would have sent the women for the deepest part of the under bush. The sound came:

Tramp.

Tramp.

Tramp.

Tramp.

Tramp.

This is the sound of boots heavily hitting the forest floor. These boots were filled with men. These men were covered in army green; the color of those who do not care if they blend in. Hands shift as men signal. A man passes under one of the girl’s beloved purple leaved trees. He has a limp from walking to long without prolonged rest. Emphasis is put on the lack of rest as you look at the man next to the one under the tree. This is a man whose only distinguishing feature is sunken and shadowed eyes.

The man with the limp led the way, breaking from the cover of trees to cross a small meadow that had trees growing in it sporadically. The man with sunken eyes followed ten feet behind and to the limped man’s right. To the leading man’s left was another man. This man sometimes came even with the limping man, but frequently fell behind. His tiredness was characterized by short burst of excessive energy. The last man stood behind the leading man to the right of the man who so often lagged behind. He moved so lethargically that it was a wonder that he kept up with the other men at all. From an ariel view, the men made a deformed square.

As the men walked they grumbled. Snatches of their conversation could be heard. Pieced together it told a tale of their appointed leader abusing his rights and leaving early, forcing the rest of the men to move faster to take his slack. The leader of the squad also held a different rank. He was also the appointed representative of three other squads. The four squads together formed a troop of twenty men. Each troop leader represented their soldiers in the Band Council. The Council’s main objective was to advise the higher ranking officers on how to use each squad to full capacity, what the squad was specialized in. They also oversaw the care and maintenance of their soldiers. The council was made up of many different officers with varying ranks. The total number of the Council was five hundred. When not in session the members held regular duties as according to their rank.

The man who had raised his arm to put his hand in his pocket. Withdrawing the hand a piece of paper followed. The paper was straightened to reveal a map. On the map was marked a spiral. Each piece of the spiral searched had been marked off into a grid. The spiral covered an immense amount of land. A full regiment had been assigned to the search. A regiment contained ten thousand men, composed of ten companies, which breaks down to ten divisions, made up of five troops. There are five hundred troops to a regiment.

The beginning of the spiral was marked in the middle of the woods, six days away from the nearest town, as the crow flies, but an eight day journey on horse back. This town as the trading capital of the region, it was newly built, due to the Lord of the area’s command. To build the town, and other ambitious projects, the area was under a forced change, homesteads were burned and torn down, and good farm land lay in ruins with the travel of building supplies over the shortest route possible, old roads and been made obsolete, as new roads were developed, directing buying customers away from previously well off businesses. It one had been a months hard ride on a kept road to the old town in the north. A new road had been built spanning the river. The Lord continued pushing forward with his projects, even though the people of the area were largely against it. In the new town they brought in modern convinces that the old town did not have room for inside it’s walls. When the people continued to stand against the new projects, sometimes taking shape in mild sabotage, their homes and fields were scorched to the ground, and livelihoods ruined. This action displaced many of the people in the north, the ones that had not been made examples of. The town of the North now became known as the dying town, all roads into it except for one leading south to the new town, fell into heavy disrepair.

The new town was built much like a fortress, near the mountains. A five day ride from the new town the road split. A crossroad was formed by a third road. One lead southeast, toward the new town, one southwest to the plains, and one north over the bridge spanning the river. The road over the bridge slowly bent east, then more north west, before straightening out and heading almost due north. From the crossroads it was almost another five day journey on horse back to Old Town.

Once across the bridge, the limping man lead his soldiers west to search the forest, while others went east, and others still searching the river its self, and the lake that the river pooled into in the east, past the bridge. Other soldiers had joined them to look, but then had moved off in different directions. They had been searching the forest for all of ten days before their right leader abused his privilege and left. Thirteen days after that they continued their duty. They were slow due to missing a body and the thick forest that they were unused to.

After putting in a fifteen hour search they all would meet at the end of the day to make camp. All the soldiers had become very superstitious after searching so much forest. Before meeting together again at night, other troops had lost soldiers, some who had injured themselves and could not find their way back again nor were near enough to call for help, dying of exposure before the others realized they were not keeping pace. The one funding the search had been displeased with this behavior, as it cost more time, but the solider’s superiors were unable to break them of this habit.

Wrestling with the paper so that it remained flat the man with the limp pointed at the map and gestured to the men where to go. After confirming directions he pointed out where they would meet at the end of the day. The time set to meet at the site was one hour before sunset. The men then went off to search their part of the grid as they saw best.

Before Dawn broke the next morning the men were up, and they had broken camp. At the break off dawn the men had entered the new grid and again split up to search. The man with the limp moved east through the overgrowth, moving with the ease of training that they all had received to cope with traveling through the untamed land.

The solider then turns north and begins searching his own part of the grid. The further north the man turns the more difficult it is to continue. Entire trees had been consumed by brambles, making land mines in an already dangerous area. You could never tell where pushing through blindly would gain a few feet or find a tree, and quickly arrest any progress.

The next day all the men had grouped together to try and find a way through. This is what they would have used the fifth solider for. He would have helped search for a way through the day before while the rest were searching, and they would have been able to simply continue. Instead they were stuck searching and falling even further behind the schedule.

After a day and a half of all of them looking, a way through is found. Deep breaths, sighs, stretches and other ways to relax muscles are preformed. The soldiers look to where they've come. Muscles again tighten, along with tight mouths, lips pressed together. A single strip of land runs in a relatively straight line between two near solid walls formed by vegetation, the strip turning some twenty feet left and near hundred feet right. Tall grass up to the men’s waist grows in the strip of land. Tree limbs cross at odd angles, dripping with ivy.

The soldiers hastily push forward across the grass, tripping over the uneven land. The soldiers wildly turn their heads, bodies acting as if without thought as they scrutinized the new wall of trees, brambles and vines. Quick, jerky movements become characteristic of the soldiers. Eyes wide, the skin around them tight, Jaws clenched, with lips relaxed, muscles twitching. Frantically they dodge obstacles of limbs and broom, ripping from the captors of bramble weeds, and shying from stinging nettle. The rush continued until the men broke their way through the traps Mother Nature had so carelessly strewn.

In a short passage of time you could no longer count the men's heart beats by looking at the pulse o their necks. Their movements too had become again more fluid and controlled. Again the men separated to continue to search the grid. All attempts to move faster were wallowed by overwhelming weariness. The forest on this side of the break was filled with much more undergrowth, but nearly no tree limbs were near the ground. The men separated again to finish searching out the last of this grid

Almost finished, and turning tower the meting point of the other soldiers, the limped man chanced upon a variation o the undergrowth. Parts of the ground were visible, and the undergrowth wasn't as nearly as thick over this oddity. The solider had found a path.

(Insert Title Here)

So a friend of mine has a cool way of updating her blog. She puts it in sections for ease of reading. We're going to try that today.

Dog
Recently Milly and I were in my backyard messing around, and lo and behold, someone had decided to use our backyard as a trash can. Again. Milly had found a rib bone. This could be bad, cause she hates it when I try to get things out of her mouth. However, I had started counteracting that by training her that whatever good eating thing I took away from her I would give her something even better back. So I auto ask for the bone, and she gave it to me! Didn't run, didn't do the chase me game, off-leash from three feet away (I would never have caught her if she had choosen to run) she came to me and gave me the bone. *Stunned silence*

We are also working on a new trick, while brushing up on our old ones. And if you walk past my backyard you'll notice the agility stuff is back out. After 8 months to get over the dog running out of the ring I'm back into it. Milly is too, she loves it! Ah... if only we had more room and equipement... stupid stuff costs waaaaaaaaaay too much.

On a different note. I met the dogs today that a lady wants me to dog sit for two months while she finalizes stuff for her trail in Australia. There's Mr. Stubborn-pushy, who's never had follow through on the leash ever, Mrs. Demanding-intellegent-will work for you, and Mrs. Pushy. The Mr. is over two hundred pounds... Gah! Why were you so stupid when he was a pup?!? Mrs. Pushy is twice her approperiate weight. Seriously, with your neck injury, you can't even care for them properly. I know you love them, but love doesn't do all that needs to be done. *SIGHS*

Cleaning

I have started packing up my things now. It's kinda sad. But it'll be exciting. An adventure.

Flute

I was supposed to have my first lesson last Thrusday. Was. The stupid lady "didn't check the store email because she wasn't at the store". However it's the only listed email to contact them. Twit. So they gave my time to someone else. We reschedualed for tomorrow. Right, I should practice...

German

Has come to a standstill. I do not know how to conjugate verbs from singular to plural, and why are we throwing in different kinds of conjugation and not explaining how to tell the difference?
I am frustrated. You think they'd give you everything you needed to figure it out, but noooooooooooooooooooooo.

Books

Still reading Oscar Wilde, it would help if I didn't keep forgetting about him. Then maybe I'd get through him faster...

Almost done Unfinished tales. It's worth reading, though if you buy it, you don't need to get The Children of Hurin (it has the funny hat thing in there, but I can't type that). In other news, I found The History of Middle Earth in the book depository. In three volumes. I do have most of it, just not the last three volumes. I want the copy... but I'd still keep mine for ease of reading. *NEED MONIES*

Driving

I have decided that I want a truck. Not a big truck, but a truck like Laura used to have, Angus, with a canopy. I also need to go get my N. If you see such a truck give me a shout. However, I am also looking for a row of seats behind the drivers, like Micheal Cronks old truck. This is mandatory. I do not want a big truck like Addy's mom.

Byri go study for your L.

Work

I have gotten a raise! Nearly a year overdue! Retro check due this week. Haha. Taxes better not kill it, it's going to be my truck buying fund.

Also, I might be getting a promotion. This means another raise! Yays!

Projects

I am almost done the thing that will be The Wedding Gift. Have started Arm Warmers. Has three inchs done. Yay!

Hey Byri, it looks like it's 186 for 8 half an hour lessons for two people. And go phone Alexis about a horse.

Heh. Oh! Story update, it's kinda getting worked on. Will be instead of German, cause I actually can't go forward in that right now. I don't know how.

Laura, phone me when you are free. We need to hang out.

See you around!

If I were an otter would beavers like me?

This is one of the songs from camp. Yes I know, I've heard it outside of camp too... but really? In my mind it will always be from camp.

He is jealous for me,
(this means he's willing to fight for me- to pursue)

Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath his wind and mercy.
(hurricanes are violent forces of destruction, love like a hurricane though, he loves us with a violent force that cannot be stopped by anything; trees have no defence agaisnt hurricanes, all that they can do is try to stand and endure)

When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
(so all of the junk that's weighting you down drops, you feel light and free- it's an amazing feeling, nothing really matters about the weight, it's dead stuff, you don't need it and aren't concetrating on it)

And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.
(so think, if you know something *might* hurt you are leery of it, if you know it will hurt- you avoid, if you know something will hurt alot- you avoid and pretend that it doesn't exist; if you needed to protect a friend though, maybe you'd jump in front and take the hurt, but he jump in front and took all the hurt while we spat and laughed and mocked)

Pre-Chorus:
And oh, how He loves us all,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us all

Chorus 1:
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

Verse 2:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
(the first part I think is a reference to inheritance, the second, well, you know how people enter contests to meet singers and such, he's such a amazing person that he is worth being the person to meet at the end of a contest)

Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
(it's not going to hurt, no I told you so, you'd come back begging to be let in, none of it's there, do you know what grace means?)

If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
(grace is getting something good that we don't deserve, instead of getting bad things to match our bad behavior, it's getting something good- we're all drowning in good things, sent by someone who should be cursing us back)

So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
(best line in a Christian song ever, if something is sloppy, it's rushed, wet kisses are still held as intimate in todays world, heaven is rushing to be intimate with earth, friends are intimate, someone who knows you're thoughts, knows what you might do next, knows how you'll take certain comments, your moods, what you like and don't like; heaven rushes for this)

And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain this regrets,
(you notice how earth still is hesitating? looking at the baggage dropped and going, but I carried that, I can't... but heaven's rushing so fast that the I can'ts don't even have time to form, that's how fast it comes)

When I think about, the way…

So I was at church last Sunday. I was looking at the songs that we were singing, and analyzing them as we went along. I found two out of five songs that I didn't cringe at, or only cringed a little. How sad is that? People now look at things, go through the motion of moving their lips, but don't think. I do to. In a theological context some of it didn't even make sense. I couldn't sing the lines, because what was on the screen was out of the box of what is Christianity. Mind you, God doesn't like boxes, tends to burn them when he's put in them, but of the things I know, they didn't make sense. And nobody else seemed to have a problem with this.

Why?

One of the reasons I miss camp already is that the songs we sang there, I could analyze (it's were I remembered my brain can do things like that) the songs, and still agree with them.

Especially when the song makes a reference to sloppy wet kisses.

Word of the Day

Tarantism: An uncontrollable urge to dance.

Why doesn't your foot rotate out to the side more? I mean it'll move so it's perpendicular to the ground on the inside, but not on the outside. Does anyone else feel this is weird? Why does the human body work this way?

I had a very good week. You should meet me in person and ask about it.

I'll miss those that I continuously confused for a different person...

Of the Hobbit continuing to prove It's worth

Yesterday was Friday the 13th for those that don't know, or didn't bother to remember or to figure it out. I worked yesterday. 9:30 to 6.

Many good things did happen yesterday. I read nearly 100 more pages of my current book. I had fun. I went back to my martial art and don't feel sore at all today. (For how hard we worked it's a very good thing.) I managed to walk my dog.

Bad things also happened. The day before a co-worker hurt himself badly enough he'll mess up his life pretty bad if he's working for the next little while. That meant we were short staffed. Another co-worker called in sick, a mere two hours before his shift. That left us scrambling to find someone to take his place. Friday nights are one the busiest days of the week for us. It's near impossible to only have one person close and still have the store look good. So, yes I did have some fun while at work, but I was also working under stress. The supervisior that I had yesterday can't supervise.

At all.

I saw things that he didn't bother to address and did my best to address them. Though it's hard to do when you ask someone else to do it, and they don't and you don't really have time to breathe, let alone think more, and they don't do it. Gah. Newbies. Listen to me as I try to train you.

I also managed to injure myself, not once, but twice yesterday. Once at work, one not. I slice the fleshy part of my right pointer finger before the first knuckle deeply. Worst cut I've given myself there ever. Worst injury for those curious was a burn over two years ago.

Ya.

Thats how long I've been working there. Common, everyone *sigh* with me.

Second injury. Not as big or as bad at surface level. I was kneeling down trying to manipulate my dog on concrete, and she was protesting. Enough that she dragged me a bit. So I took off some skin on my knee, big whoop. But there where bigger rocks too! So it's a little deeper than I'd like in some places. Still not the end of the world. Till I wake up this morning, and the wound is filled with dog hair. How exactly did I forget about that? Getting it all out was fun, and here's to hoping that I don't get an infection.

Cheers!

Outtakes

So today I did many things well known to me, and tried something new. I also got other people to try new things.

"You don't stop laughing because you grow old, you grow old because you stop laughing."

Your brain stills and stagnates when you stick to the tried and true, to the familiar. The unknown holds risks. Risks that at one point in time would overwhelm me. Interacting with another person that I already did not have a founation- did not already have a good relationship with- would terrorify me. Sometimes it stills does. This is called a comfort zone. Some will recgonize what I am talking about. To others this will be a new concept. Over the years I have pushed this. Times when I am tired and stressed I will fall back on old patterns, as humans will. No contact with anyone is safe. It has been proven safe many times over. If you don't reach out then nobody can hurt you.

Part of pushing those boundries has been allowing people to be let in. This was a long and drawn out process in my humble opinion. Trying new things, learning to think in new ways, that do not feel offensive to me, and trusting those who introduce those new ideas to not attack who I am based on what I believe have been steps. Steps in growth.

I guess that's really what this rant is about. Growing. Figuring out things you want from life, heck even identifying with virtues, and then living life in pursuit of those. Always progressing. This doesn't necessarily mean trying something new every few months and then abandoning it to the wayside. It means every couple months stepping back and taking a look at what you're doing, where you want to go, if it's changed, and coming back with a fresh look.

This means read a challenging book. Whatever this means to you, there are many different kinds of challenges out there. Try to do what you can with who you are.

Never wish you were more than you are.

Work towards the ideal you. There's a psychology theory that the further you are from the ideal you the more out of balance you are with yourself. How can you be in tune and happy with yourself when you look at a reflection that is so different from yourself?

"When a man is put in the ground, it is not then that he has died, he is dead when he no longer hopes, no longer dreams."

This means putting goals in front of yourself. Of not doing the same thing just because that's what you did yesterday.

Of not being statisfied with life. Of looking for more without becoming upset that things aren't progressing fast enough, without wishing you *were* someone else entirely.

Tonight for the first time I tried to do a martial art. It was the most fun I've had in a long time.

What does that say about what I've been doing with life? When did I let what I want to do to improve myself and who I am turn into drugery? How can I turn it back?

I didn't mean to. I want what I'm doing now. I want to be better at what I am doing now. I am working toward being better at what I am doing than I am.

I am satisfied with trying.

There are times when I berate myself for not trying harder. I don't want my life to turn into activities to checked off on a list.

Must take care of dog.

Must go to work.

Must work on German.

Must play flute.

Must hang out with friends.

I don't want these things to become check lists. I want to bring back the life, a fresh breathe, a renovated way of thinking. Not a new one, as nothing was wrong with the old one, it simply faded as outside influences came and weathered the once solid thoughts and ideals. Head back to the beginning. The foundation. What makes you you. Why do you choose to do what you do? What side reason have crept in that make it seem like a duty that simply must be done or an axe will be brought down?

How do you make life fun again? How do you remember to laugh and smile simply for the sake of laughing and smiling?

Brakes. I think I've let myself speed up too much. Stopping. Take your time to think. Breathe. Just stand there and breathe. Watch the busy and search for the still.

Take time to breathe.

A Laying Down of Flowers

A nearly unheard whisper of skin. Clothe meets and flutters in the passing wind dancing along with movement.

Gray smooth corridors had risen to meet the whispers. Dim, yellow, sputtering lights had attempted to follow the dance of the clothe. Smooth walls reflect and refract the distorted image, once passed the dirty, dark, gray walls stand silent again.

Bleach attempted to mask too many horrible smells all coming from different sources. A windowless, doorless corridor is greeted with the whispering feet.

The clothe ceases its fluttering. The whispers stop. A soft thump, followed by a reluctant creak and then-

A head thrown back in greeting.

Light, pure white light.

------------------------------

I was just thinking one day, and something very, very similar to this came into my head. And when I tried to capture it, it morphed into this. Not exactly what I was going for.

I'll tell you what is happening from my persective if you wish. But I'm not posting it right now cause I want you to think. I thought this up while zoning at work.

I really want Feedback. Did you like? Not like? Confused? Trying to figure it out? (I don't think it's that hard, but omipresent perspective gets you nowhere here)

Thrown from the 'Coaster for the lack of a Belt

I've been thinking that I should post something here. And then the ridiculous work days they ask me to work will catch up to me, and I'll go to sleep instead. Today you are lucky, and I have some reserve left. So you get something of an update I think.

I decided that I hadn't read enough fluff titles recently (aka. Oscar Wilde and middle-esque english King Authur and His Knights) so I have a quick fluff book from a friend. It's helped, I acutally still can go through a book in a day and a half! They just can't be accedemically acceptable books. Like you couldn't reference this on a biblography sort of thing. By the way, Sir Lancelot is NO longer my favorite knight. He's well... not excatly who I'd thought he'd be. Sir Galahad (Sir Lancelot's illegitmate son, cause you know he was only trying to sleep with the Queen and got tricked with this other girl) has definately taken the position of favorite Knight of the round table.

The reason for wanting to read this paticular book through? (Once you get used to the writing style {and the fact that most of it is borrowed from French fables... that were, um weirder if the introduction is to be believed} it's really quite engaging) It would be 'A Perfect Gentle Knight' by Kit Pearson. Now anyone who knows Pearson will regconize her as the one to write 'Awake and Dreaming' which is set in downtown Victoria. Sweet, I know. She mostly writes young adult/preteen stuff. That said, it's high quality writing, the plot and such are the things mostly um, held back? How would you say it? Gah.

Anyway, the book in question borrows it's title from Chaucer's 'Canterbury Tales' from the introduction when the knight is introduced. You can easily find it. The copy I have reads it as, "He was a verray, parfit, gentil knight." Commonly now known as, "He was a very, perfect, gentil knight." Anyways, they make reference to King Auther and the assorted tales. This does include 'Le Morte Darthur'. I haven't quiet gotten there yet though.

The whole thing is incredably interesting to me. That's all.

On an unrelated note (sortof), here is the first chapter of the cleaned up copy of the book I am writing. Well, attempting to write.

Attempting.

It got put off to the side once I started working more, while I was striving to find balance in life again. I'm getting there so I'm thinking about it again. I have up to Chapter Three roughly outlined, and know generally what will happen, unless the characters decided that they know better than I do what should be done, up to Chapter 5 or 6. The girl is interesting. I'm having trouble getting into her head later. So, we'll see.

Let me know what you think! I haven't written in years, but I've gotten good responses so far. Grammer errors or any questions are more than welcome. The story is going to be named "Capla Shurin". For no other reason than I liked what it sounded like at the time, and named the story thus.

Chapter One (Unnamed Title, RE: Up for grabs if you think of a good title before I do.)

.~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~

Fingers Tremble. An outstrectched hand struggles to rise. Trembles work their way up and down the arm. Muscles seize. The body wavers. A fight ensues agaisnt gravity. The hand struggles to continue. The hand drops an inch. Sheer will holds the hand up despite the trembling. The trembling becomes limited. The hand has reached it's apppointed height. Posture is streaightened. the other arm moves quickly mirroring the first. The sleeve is still intact on this arm. It is dry; it had not been dyed.

.~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~

There had once been a clearing. It was a lovely place to go to in the late spring and during the summer. Too early in the spring and ground was so soft that you could sink your lower leg half way into the mud. Before that the ground was cold, hard and harsh from the throes of winter. In the late spring the ground lost enough of its moister that it could be crossed without sinking into the mud, but retained enough moister that unlike the ground in winter it would cushion walking.

This clearing was surrounded by trees. In a hollow on the edge of the clearing an ancient weeping willow could be found. It was now dying, as it was losing the competition with the tall trees for rescources. The trees surrounding the clearing were tall and straight. Various kinds of evergreens with branches full of needles so thick that harldy any underbush could survive for lack of sunlight. The lack of underbush made it very easy to walk, even though there was not much light.

On the other side of the clearing it was not the trees that dominated, but the underbush that held sway over the ground. This was not for lack of effort on the trees part. Saplings struggled in fierce competition with the bush. Prehaps in the years to come the trees would reclaim the area.

The clearing itself was shaped very much like a figure eight, or a slightly melted, half built snowman. Neither outer circle of the clearing could be completed without overlapping the other to a great degree. The larger circle approximently held a fifty meter radius. The smaller circle was only a third of that size. The odd shape and composition of the clearing looked as if it was not what nature intended.

The evergreens surrounded most of the larger part of the clearing, while the overgrown underbush threatened to claim parts of the smaller circle. On one side. where the evergreens and underbush met, the taller trees blocked the sun for most of the day, slowly killing the bush. At eht other meeting place the thorny bushs and creepers beat back the trees. The trees grew thinner on this side and the bush thicker, turning the odds in the bush's favor. Almost all theought the underbush the growth was impassible. Those that passed the clearing infact found it quicker to detour around the bush than to attempt to force their way through.

High up in the branches of one of the dying trees where the bush had begun to take over the trees, was a squirrel. The squirrel huffs, while it's tails twitches agitatedly. the squirrel is trying to calculate a jump of about one foot.

A little girl runs beneath the squirrel, forcing it's choice in a moment of panick. The girl looks no older than two. She is dressed in light brown fiberous pants and shirt. Her iris' are so pale blue that they almost meld and are forgotten nto the whites of her eyes. Her pupils are not quiet black, but seem more of a very dark brown. she had just run out from the thickest part of the bush.

On a hidden path her mother follows, calling a name now lost in memory. The girl turns and her black hair whips her face before settling on her shoulders. The women's image is now blurry at the edges, the more detailed features lost in time. She is slightly shorter than adverage height. She had given her daughter her black hair and her own was pulled into a bun at the back and base of her head. She has brown eyes; her figure is slender, and at one time may have been called fine, but now it appears fragile. The clothes she wore were a loose fitting pants and shirt, colored to fit into their current surroundings. They were much more worn now, as they had been taken out of all circumstance that they had been intended for. The girl laughs distracted, and continues playing a game of her own making.

.~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~

Arms stretched. Held far away as possible. Palms splayed forward. The body sways. Energy focused. Pushed toward the palm. Centered in palm. The arm swings. Energy shoots forward. Mile ahead, yells. A sigh. A groan. A hum. All covered in white. Job done, hand drops. Energy collected down arm. Dances down the red. Arm shoots forward. Covers all white with black. Screams. Shouts.

Death echoes.

.~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~ .~

The girl is called again. She continues to ingnore this and runs out into the clearing. The women sighes. Then it is the girls trun to sigh as her name is called again, sharply, with the threat of punishment, so she can not ignore it. Little puffs of dirt rise as the girl turns toward her mother. the women gestures for her to come closer and kneel. The girl moves forward and inch and lowers herself without moving her feet.

A lesson begins. The details are lost in the frequency and multitude of others so similar. This lesson is about herbs. With the end of the lesson the women and girl fade back into the bush. The once impercebtible paths have become overgrown and impassible. Following the paths you would come to the unmemorable shelter in which they took refuge.

Pieces of the little girl's lessons can still be recalled with startling clarity. Most of the lessons were only theory, but most of the lessons were looked upon as a diverson by the girl. They were something for her to truly focus on. However some lessons, like how to pour tea, were given by rote and quickly forgotten for the girl gave little attention to them.

The lessons continue and time passes. The women visibly becomes less vigilent. The strong heat of summer stole the energy with which the women used to maintain her suspicions. The warm long days were luring with their sense of security. The women's face could be sometimes seen cast into a state of wistful hope. during the summer days the girl was allowed to entertain herself in the clearing between her lessons.

The days could be counted by the length of time the sun had been in the sky. The days were long for nearly fifteen hours the sun would be unobstructed in the sky. The presence of light in the sky could be said to start and finish before and after this time, as the sun rose and fell for dawn and dusk. After the dusk had completely come, the nights were a repreive from the heat and mostly cool due to a breeze that would sweep up from under the trees. Few of the nights however the breeze did not blow and the night would retain the heat and mugginess of the day. If one stood in the clearing at the hieght of the day, which occured between one and four int he afternoon, the hear would be so intesnse that within minutes the person's skin would dry out and become cracked.

As the spring turned into summer the wildlife increased as the animals returned from the south and woke up from their long slumber. An additional increase came from the young ones that had been born. Over protective species remained on high alert, snarlling or growlling in the face of danger. This aditional noise relaxed the women fuher, for once she learne to read the animal's sounds she could tell if something was in the forest that was a vistior or a threat.

Water may have been a concern given the intense heat. The women ha found a pit that had been dug, that once was a well. It was now half hidden in the mass of under bush, hidden deeper under a wildly growing throne bush. The stones scatered around the pit implied that it had been a well once rimmed with stones, and prehaps a wooden canopy. The women had immeiately started searching for a source of water when they first arrived at the clearing, and had been flooded with an overwhelming relif that she would be able to provie for the girl. After finding the water source, the women's next task was to create a cover for the pit. This needed to be designed to keep out most bugs and insects, and other debri from falling in. The wooden woven cover would also act as a barrier to prevent the girl from falling in.

If spring was their chance for new life than that summer they lived it.

Maddness and Mayhem and Oh! Isn't he a well behav... He bit me!

Hi. I did have something deep and meaningful to write. But I lean the book that it was about out. It's a really good book. I like it alot. Alot is coming up underlined in red. This means it is incorrect. Oh. Well. What did they want me to do about it?

I edited my brother's essay on Geishas for him. It could have been done better. In the amount of time he got in done in however, I'm *insert* impressed. And the fact he wrote it and it's gonna be ready before it's due? Wows. This is coming from the guy who didn't really do his work if he didn't-really-hafta-teacher thinks it's not that important-not going to affect grades that badly-guy.

I'm tired and wired. I figured it out though. I feel asleep today. I was tired. A friend was over. I blame stress. No, I actually have a legitimate reason to blame stress. Tomorrow, I need to get myself to the gym and CRD pound and back, ready to work before two. The next day I work, do some stupid meeting call, gym and youth. The next day I sprint to the chiropractor and then to grad. The next I have a seminar, in which we pretty much tempt our dogs to go after other dogs while their a good distance away from us. This goes for the next three days. I don't yet have all the money I need to pay it off, and they are applying pressure, but I'm hoping the paycheck on Thursday will be enough. It should be anyway. That night I'm hanging out with people. The last day of the seminar I have a way up to the seminar, but don't have one back home. My parents will be up at Nanoose Bay celebrating their anniversary. So I'll be stuck with a dog in Victoria.

Then my week starts again. It's slower, and I might actually have a chance to breathe. After the break you may get thoughts that don't consist of "move faster, you're late!" or some variation thereof.

Did I mention the stress?

Failure, Mixed Reviews, I Am An Optimist, Failure Reversed, and Anticipation

That is my morning so far. This was going to be a facebook status, but I decided the story was too good to past up.

First question, does anyone else write blogs in their head and then forget to actually write them? Or what they wanted to write? Well today is not that day for me. So you get a lovely blog post.

Failure. So I went away for the weekend. That weekend will get it's own blog post if I do put anything about it up here. As it is something completely different. What you don't know about me is that I have two alarm clocks. One is blue and travels around with me as it is battery powered. The other is black, and needs to be plugged in to work. This one stays home. When I came back from my amazing weekend I set my black alarm to go off early. It has a snooze, so I can set it a little early and get the extra snuggling, do I really have to get up yet time. Then the blue one chimes in, and says up NOW! The next morning the black alarm didn't go off. I still wanted my snuggling time. *frowns* Needless to say I fell back asleep. It didn't go off yesterday either. I finally figured out what my little sister did to it, so now I won't sleep half the day away. Good for some people, bad idea with energetic dog. Not that she is inside most of the time. But that's another story.

Mixed reviews. (I blame being sick so much.) I came back and went to sleep Monday with a slight ear ache. Nothing unusual. I tend to get water build up in my ears frequently. So I slept on that side, and most of the time the water will work it's way out and all is well. Most of the time. Tuesday my ear hurt worse. By Tuesday night I could only open my jaw half way before my ear complained of being squished and that pain was going to be the result of my actions. I ended up going to the walk in clinic instead of hitting the gym and the Moms2Moms group. I spent an hour and a half waiting. Then in fifteen minutes I was out. Apparently I managed to contract an outer ear infection. That's all I was told. And to use polysporn drops to treat it. Not how much, how often, or whether or not I'm contagious. I'm assuming not on the last one, if only for the fact that it hurts like crazy to touch my ear. I got told at least it's not an inner ear infection. I was prone to those as a child. NOT fun.

I seriously am an optimist. Don't believe me ask Will. So. I decided that the last couple of days I was neglecting Milly pretty hard core. And I was. So I decided to do something about that. Right now our yard is half short grass, and half waist high grass. This would be due to the fact that some random people took apart our rotten deck. Thus all the garbage (aka things that we had used to use, but now had been ruined due to exposure or us breaking them, but never getting around to actually getting rid of them) got moved across our yard, dividing the two. Yesterday Dad took a bunch to the dump. It looks alot better. I can actually let my dog off leash again without having to worry about rust or nails or other things that she might consider 'interesting'. So for the first time since the fall I had access to our backyard to play fetch with my dog. And we did. Then the dogs that belong the paper lady came, (she was with them too, she talks too much about nothing to have a good conversation) and I was actually able to call Milly away from the fence! Sure she did end up fence fighting a little while later, but still! She actually walked away with me, without me having to hold her! If that isn't a signal that her trust in me is growing I don't know what is.

Failure reversed. For the first time in two and a half weeks I made it out to the gym. Even though I missed the planned time. It is a major accomplishment for me. Especially since it wasn't going as fast as I wanted it to go before I stopped going. Add to that that I was sick and a certain time of monthly cramps...

It is an accomplishment that I got over that mental barrier. Now I need to do it repeatedly. Uggh.

Postive.

Right.

Anticipation. I saw a good friend that I haven't seen in a long time (twice in the spring of '08 and before that in '04). He likes Lord of the Rings as much as I do.

Three guesses about what we talked about last time.

This time apparently Battle Star Galatica and Firefly have much of the same in common. As in if you like on you'll like the other. We shall see about this.

See. I did forget parts of the blog that I had written in my head. Something about a book...

By the power invested in me,
I pronounce you MONGOOSE!

Hi.

I'm bored.

I'm very, very bored.

I blame the sugar.

It's really not my fault.

So I was reading the book that I got out from the library. It's a dog book. It's about training. In the book she explains how to apply the theories to manipulate people. It should be interesting to see how that pans out.

So I decided to use some of the stuff (I was already aware of this, it's just a really well laid out book that makes you *want* to experiment) out on my dog. Her basic stuff is slipping, as all dogs will, and she needs a brush up. So I started that today. It was fun. She got faster and better quickly. Now two more weeks to make it stick after I put the cue word on and take it out to the world!....

So I'm going to be volunteering with Darcie again this summer. That'll be fun. Jada is a silly dog. I can not focus. I want to play Zelda. I should finish typing up my story. I don't know if I will.

What would the world be like if two plus two equaled seven?

I got pretty shirts. I am wearing one. Laura picked it out. Yay Laura. I have fans too. Pretty fans. Very pretty fans.

I need to learn how to juggle.

For the randomly (criminally or otherwise) insane.

Hello again.

I was told to update my blog.

So this is an update.





























I was so tempted to leave it right there. But then certain people I know might come and do certain things to other certain things that would make other certain people unhappy. Mainly me.

Don't you love the vague? Nope, I don't really either. If you agree good. We're in the same boat.

I don't know if you that I am currently trying to write a story. It needs a title. A good one. A good solid title that is not silly like I like naming my blog posts or journal enteries. (No - not online ones goofs). So, if you have a good idea for a story title nows your chance to name it, I think. I'll probably come up with something better and disregard everything posted here in regards to an actual story title. But I do have some names I need to be filled. The story has two towns, one used to be prosperous and lively, a small rural town catering to farms and trappers and the occasional hermit. Along comes a new town. Current, very modern, lively, big city-esque. Steals most of the customers away from the old town. There's more, and a back story to all this, but for that you'll have to wait to read it, ne? Anyways I need names for these cities/towns-like things. I can't just blatantly call the new town Sodom either. I think I have more tact than that. Oh! I forgot, everyone in the area was opposed to having the new town built as it uprooted many families and the suchlike. And no, it's not written like speaking as this is.

Personally I think I like the old town better. But that's just me.

So.

Anyone know a certain crazy artist who had been taking random words and making pictures from them? Well I said that was easy. Except I can't draw. So I said I'd modify it to a sentance and write a short story about it. I've done it before, they just didn't exactly get put down on paper. Like I think folks will want if they give me sentances. Yes. I think I did want I just did...

*sigh*

Anyways, I was thinking of taking German 10 through SIDES before going to UVic and wasting a bunch of money there. Opinions? Is this good, bad or why in the world would you want to learn that language for?

Other things. I am currently sick. Like coughing from chest sick. I don't get sick like that. EVER. I get sick like head cold, here, then gone sick. Not deep and lingering. Go Away! Gah! For those that care, my Miss Milly is doing much better, her allergies still need medication though. But it's been brought down from three to one pill. Which is good as the pills interfer with her Kidneys screening things properly. So the pills can't be used heavy duty for long periods of time. We've also been walking with other dogs more, next week there's three different dogs! We're also working on new and improved (oxi-moron time) tricks! Fun things. Do *you* know what the doggie version of the moonwalk is? Give us a few more weeks and we'll show you!

Oh gosh, proof the I need to get out more. Yup. Right there.

Wednesday morning I go and help watch a bunch of little kids while there mom's go off and talk. There's this one little kid, his names Elijah. Sweetest thing that you could ever see. I think he's my favorite. I know, *slaps wrist* I really shouldn't pick favorites, but, but, but... do you see him? Gah.

Anyways, I'm off to lurk on your posts now if I can find them.